Sunday 13 June 2010

A great mother? Make sure your needs come first!

Today I happen to text a friend of mine regarding getting my morning coffee fix before an outing with children, her reply was and I quote: Your needs are not important on a school trip!! Although she probably said it lightheartedly, it made me think of how Society has long ignored the parents needs. After all, is it wrong to want an energy fix just before spending all day with children running wild, should I feel guilty for needing coffee?
My answer? No, if you want to be a great mother, your needs should come first and I don't just mean the survival needs like putting your oxygen mask before your child on an airplane or feeding yourself before your child on a deserted island so you can look after him.
What I mean is that a mother forgets herself the minute she has a child, she feeds, look after and puts all the child's needs before her but is this the right way??
Should we not think of ourselves too? Surely we would look after our children much better if we were in a better state of mind....
I know for one, that I have more patience if I feel rested, I can play and truly focus on my child if my worries are dealt with. I rarely shout and am more understanding if I am happy because yes a happy mum means a happy child..
Sadly we live in a world full of cliche where you grow up hearing that a child's need should come first and that once you are a mother you no longer matter and somehow you have to accept that you are no longer a person...just a mum!
Then one wonders why the post natal depression has tremendously risen, why stories of parents killing themselves or their children occurs, why parents feel pressurised into being perfect parents..
The answer is stop forgetting yourself, you matter too and it is OK too think of yourself and to be selfish sometimes (of course within a limit, after all raising children is a big responsibility) because truth is you never stop being a person once you are a parent, you don't just die and get reborn as a parent, you simply become both, a person and a parent and for your own sanity and your child's, it is important to look after yourself and to ensure your needs are also met so that you can be a great parent.
Some people goes as to even resent their children for stealing their life and although children are not too blame in this, they will take the blame and it is a shame because Society should be the one to blame for making us believe that we no longer matter.
So Goodbye Guilt and Hello TLC.

1 comment:

  1. I agree. Showing your children that you matter too teaches them balance in life as we not only want them to care and consider others but also to look after themselves too. I enjoyed your blog so much I thought I would share it with my twitter followers.

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