A great mother? Make sure your needs come first!

Today I happen to text a friend of mine regarding getting my morning coffee fix before an outing with children, her reply was and I quote: Your needs are not important on a school trip!! Although she probably said it lightheartedly, it made me think of how Society has long ignored the parents needs. After all, is it wrong to want an energy fix just before spending all day with children running wild, should I feel guilty for needing coffee?
My answer? No, if you want to be a great mother, your needs should come first and I don't just mean the survival needs like putting your oxygen mask before your child on an airplane or feeding yourself before your child on a deserted island so you can look after him.
What I mean is that a mother forgets herself the minute she has a child, she feeds, look after and puts all the child's needs before her but is this the right way??
Should we not think of ourselves too? Surely we would look after our children much better if we were in a better state of mind....
I know for one, that I have more patience if I feel rested, I can play and truly focus on my child if my worries are dealt with. I rarely shout and am more understanding if I am happy because yes a happy mum means a happy child..
Sadly we live in a world full of cliche where you grow up hearing that a child's need should come first and that once you are a mother you no longer matter and somehow you have to accept that you are no longer a person...just a mum!
Then one wonders why the post natal depression has tremendously risen, why stories of parents killing themselves or their children occurs, why parents feel pressurised into being perfect parents..
The answer is stop forgetting yourself, you matter too and it is OK too think of yourself and to be selfish sometimes (of course within a limit, after all raising children is a big responsibility) because truth is you never stop being a person once you are a parent, you don't just die and get reborn as a parent, you simply become both, a person and a parent and for your own sanity and your child's, it is important to look after yourself and to ensure your needs are also met so that you can be a great parent.
Some people goes as to even resent their children for stealing their life and although children are not too blame in this, they will take the blame and it is a shame because Society should be the one to blame for making us believe that we no longer matter.
So Goodbye Guilt and Hello TLC.

To be clever or to be intelligent?

Montaigne once said: I would rather commend for having a well composed and temperate braine, than a full stuft head i.e better a well done head than a full head.
A lovely quote indeed, but was it practical then, is it now?
School has not really changed the way it teaches, you still have to learn by heart your poetry, your history, your maths, your languages, etc and sadly this leaves little room for creations (i.e drawing/art classes) so clearly you will get your degrees as long as you have a full head.
So what happens to the other category of people with the well done head?
Nothing really for the last 4 centuries but luckily we are now entering a new century where to be smarter happens to be better than to be intelligent.
Opportunities are just around the corner for anyone smart enough to spot them and the good news is you don't even really need a degree (it helps but it is no longer consitent with success).
People from around the world now aspire to people like Alan Sugar because he represents this class of entrepreneurs where your ideas and wisdom are more important than your knowledge.
Entrepreneurs are now a serious emerging class that will actually shape our future world and we ae lucky to be part of this wonderful period where your ideas are valued, where uniqueness shines over generalism.
So congratulations to the world for finally allowings us to just be and good luck to all of you clever guys on this exciting journey of creation.
However, Montaigne did finish his quote with: yet both will doe well so congratulations to those who can be both clever and intelligent....

Guilt

Guilt is what you feel when you do something or someone wrong, at least this is what I was taught. However there is a new form of guilt that has emerged this last century, the kind that no one warns you about, it's the Food Guilt.. That's right, the one where you feel guilty because you are stuffing yourself.
All my life I have been eating without thinking but as I am getting older (not too old just 30) I feel I suddenly have to watch what I am eating and from this moment onwards, everytime I indulge myself, I feel guilty.
This morning I half enjoyed my croissant, half worried over eating it.
The worst of it is I am not even fat..So what has happened to me???
I thought I was "magazine proof", that all these years of reading magazines and watching celebrities did not influence the way I enjoyed food (or in this case comfort food) yet it seems that now I am confirming statistics that society can really dictate the way you feel about yourself even in your subconscience.
We really are victims of our own admirations so from now on it might be best to read less magazines and get a reality check....It is what's on the inside that matters, so less guilt and more love for yourself...
I'm off to run now...just kidding!

Best friends

Yesterday, I had dinner with a very good friend of mine. We went through all the stages of a normal dinner, i.e light conversation, then gossiping moving on to funny stories, heart to heart conversation, etc....
But on the way home, it just hit me, all these conversations that I had shared with her, somehow sounded different when shared with my husband. Men seem to react completely differently, first they never say the right thing, secondly they half understand what we say and thirdly they are probably not interested in what we have to say unless it involves sex, finance or sports..(probably in this order too)
I am starting to think that girlfriends are as much needed as husbands are, in fact they complete each other. Girlfriends take away the burden of shopping which husbands clearly hates, they also also enjoy gossiping, they don't mind if we moan, they are a good shoulder to cry on, they happily watch a chick movie without falling asleep, they support you in the gym club and quite frankly have more time to spare.
Our husbands should be grateful they exist as it seems girlfriends are prepared to step into our husbands shoes when they can't be bothered.
So it might be worth recognising the importance of our girlfriends and let them know that we value them....